Game of Thrones What Just Happened: The Bastard Bowl

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Usually I put the actual name of the episode in the title of these articles, but come on, the Bastard Bowl just has a much better ring to it.  Besides the battle between Jon Snow and Ramsey Bolton is something we’ve been waiting for for practically the whole season, in fact, it took me a minute to remember what else happened.

In Mareen the Masters attempt at taking down Daeny was quickly thwarted when her 3 dragons took to the sky.  However, before that the Masters very brashly demanded Daeny’s surrender and the return of all the slaves.  The balls on those three.  Daeny also says to Tyrion that she would kill the masters and burn their cities to the ground (kind of playing up to the “mad queen” theory a lot of people have been talking about since her almost evil speech she gave the Dothraki) to which Tyrion tells her the story of her father the mad king and how he was going to use wild fire to burn King’s Landing (and of all of his subjects) to the ground which is why Jami killed him.  This seemed to take Daeny back a bit, but I’m not so sure if she hasn’t crossed over to the Dark Side like Darth Vader, she might be too far gone at this point.

Well, after the dragons made short work of the Masters’ navy Yara and Theon made it there and met with Daeny.  Daeny and Yara had a very nice back and forth, high lighted with Daeny saying “And your’s does not come with a marriage requirement?”  With Yara replying “Well I would not pass it up…”

With that Bastard Bowl about to begin (of the Battle of the Bastards as the episode was titled) I had an uneasy feeling.  This is one of the many reasons why this show is so great, there are stakes to it. Characters we had assured ourselves were safe end up getting killed unexpectedly, not to mention  it seems like the shit heads seem to live on while noble heroes die horribly, especially Starks.

Jon played a nice card early on when he challenged Ramsey to one on one combat which Ramsey taking the punk way out declined.  That night Jon, Davos, and Tormund went over their battle plans as Sansa watched.  Overall their plan was to make Ramsey come to them.  After the meeting Sansa (in full Sansa mode) bitched Jon out for not asking her his opinion.  She warned Jon about Ramsey’s manipulation and how he would get Jon to not use his plan.

On the morning of Battle Sansa was proven right as Ramsey marched Rikon out to the battle field and set him free and told him to run.  As Rikon ran towards his brother who was speeding towards him on horseback Ramsey took aim and started to fire arrows at the boy.  Just as Rikon was about to reach Jon an arrow pierced his chest and the boy fell dead.  Then Jon’s army did exactly what they didn’t plan to do and charged into battle as Ramsey’s army charged as well, not to mention Ramsey pulling a page out of Edward Longshanks (Braveheart) and began to fire arrows in spite of his army being engaged in battle (what a bastard).

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But apparently Braveheart wasn’t the only movie Ramsey has seen because later on his men pinned Jon’s army in in front of a mountain of bodies performing a phalanx much like the soldiers of 300.  It looked like things were about to come to an end for Jon but then the knights of the Veil with Sansa and Little Finger leading the charge.  With his army defeated Ramsey retreats into Winterfell thinking he’s safe behind the walls but Jon might not have seen 300 or Braveheart but it’s obvious he saw The Avengers because Ramsey has a bigger Army, Jon has a Hulk er, Giant who just straight busts through the door in spite of taking a ton of arrows.

The Giant, who obviously seen Lord of the Rings and is a fan of Ned Stark Boramer, takes an ass load of arrows before one from Ramsey straight into the eye kills him. Ramsey you’re a bastard.

Ramsey of course now wants to settle things one on one with Jon (because he’s a bitch) so he takes aim at Jon with his bow and arrow, Jon (again having seen Avengers) grabs a shield and does his best Steve Rodgers impersonation and blocks Ramsey’s shots before hitting him with the shield and then punches the fuck out of Ramsey.  With each punch I cheered inside.  The Bastard Bowl would come to an end, Ramsey imprisoned and episode over, right?

Well, not quite, one more scene.  Sansa asks Jon where Ramsey is and pays him a little visit.  It appears he’s in a cell tied to a chair and he greets Sansa smugly calling her his bride before asking if this cell was his new home.  Then we hear growling as Ramsey’s dogs walk out of their cages.  Prior to the battle Ramsey had said he had starved his dogs for 7 days so they would be set on Jon and his generals.  As Sansa watches on Ramsey, again smugly, says his dogs are loyal and that they would never harm them, to which Sansa replies “You starved them for seven days, you said so yourself.”  Before dipshit can muster a reply one of the dogs bites his fucking jaw off and they continue to maul the prick while he tries to scream and eventually dies as Sansa watches on.  It was brilliant!

So what did you think of last night’s show?  Were you happy with the outcome, are you sad for Rikon, who is the master of Winterfell now, Jon or Sansa?  Will Jon be made a full Stark (much like Ramsey was)?  I don’t know, we’ve got an extra large season finale coming our way next week, but either way let us know in the comments below.

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About Josh McCain 984 Articles
Where are my manners, allow myself to introduce... ah... myself. I'm Josh, I'm a proud dad and I will probably write the majority of the content you see on this site (and editing 100% of it) because that's my background, writing. I'm an author of two books (Ripper, and Suburban Sky: American Tales) with books three and four on the way... eventually. I also have experience writing for various sites, including Bleacher Report, Redskins101, and more currently you can find me at where I write a weekly-ish satirical column. Here are the links to my books if you wish to check them out. Click here for Ripper: Click here for Suburban Skies: So that's me in a nutshell. I hope you enjoy the site.

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