Yesterday’s news about Sony moving forward with their He-Man movie it got my creative juices flowing and made me think that if I were the casting director of this film who would I like to see in it. Then even more creatively I thought, “hey, this would be a good column for the site.” So here we are with our new feature “Casting Call“. This won’t be a weekly column like some of our other features, but more or less when a new adaption is announced for some of our favorite geeky properties we’ll dive head first into them and cast our perfect movie. Hell if we’re feeling really creative we might throw a director choice or two in there as well. Our only rule for this section is that the actors all have to be living and currently working and are age appropriate for the role. So for example I can’t say 1984 Arnold Schwarzenegger could play He-Man. Sure then he’d be perfect, but today, he’s a bit old. Alright, we square on the rules, let’s dive in.
So today I’m casting my perfect He-Man movie. Frankly I feel I’m perfect for the job since well my earliest memories are of watching the cartoon and playing with the toys, and I damn near had all of them including Castle Grayskull, so I’d say I’m qualified. Like the Marvel and DC Universes there are so many characters to choose from so for this I’m limiting myself to just the main characters who have a realistic shot at being in this film. Those are He-Man, Skeletor, Man At Arms, Tela, King Randor, Queen Marlena, Beastman, The Sorceress, Evil Lynn, Orko, and Blade.
HE-MAN: This one was easy, a little too easy and very very obvious. For He-Man there is no one in Hollywood right now that I think would fill the role better than Odin-son himself Chris Hemsworth. It almost feels like type-casting but he’s big, he’s brawny, and he’s blonde. Not to mention that he’s a good actor and would probably have a lot of fun in this role and might like using a sword as apposed to a hammer for a change. Like I said it’s an obvious choice but those are usually the best.
Honorable Mentions: Henry Cavill, Liam Hemsworth, and Channing Tatum
Skeletor: In a perfect world I’d cast Frank Langella in the role but in his mid-70’s it might not be right for him. He was great the first time around in the role and he’s said it was one of his all-time favorites so with a real studio and budget behind it I don’t think he’d be apposed if asked, but realistically he’s probably too old for it. For this role I wanted someone menacing and with just his voice scare the crap out of you. This is the hardest of all of the roles to cast because to have a memorable movie you villain has to be memorable. So racking my brain if I couldn’t have Langella I went with Benedict Cumberbatch. His turn as Khan in Star Trek: Into Darkness I think was just the tip of the iceberg for Cumberbatch as a villain. He was very cold and robotic in that film but I think given the chance to play Skeletor he’d cut loose much like Langella did with this role. I think he’d turn in such a performance that you’d leave the theater much like the first time you saw Star Wars, sure the heroes were cool, but man the villain, he made the movie. Speaking of Star Wars when Episode VII casting was being kicked around everyone wanted him for the villain, so obviously people want to see his darker side.
Honorable Mentions: Tom Hardy, Tom Hiddleston, and Max Strong
Man At Arms: He-Man’s guide and pseudo father figure Man At Arms needs to be played by an actor who would flourish as a secondary character but someone you wouldn’t mind seeing in their own movie. Not to mention they’d have to look cool with a mustache or beard. I chose Gerard Butler. He’s an action star who has done too many romantic comedies for my liking and has recently gone back to his action roots with Olympus Has Fallen. What better way to keep the action momentum moving than being in the next big franchise. Side not because of his role as Leonidus in 300 I was very tempted to cast him as King Randor (which he could pull off as well).
Honorable Mentions: Christopher Meloni, Jason Statham, Liam Neeson, Hugh Jackman.
King Randor: This one is probably far fetched and wouldn’t happen bu I’m going with Dolph Lundgren. About a year ago Lundgren had said if they made another He-Man movie he’d love to play King Randor in it and frankly I think that would be a good idea and a nice throwback to the original movie. Dolph’s English has gotten a lot better since the 80’s he’s still in great shape (fans of the comics, toys, and cartoon know Randor is just as built as his son) and is a decent actor. From what I remember of Grayskull this role is small anyways so I think it would be a good part for Lundgren and a nice wink to fans of the original.
Honorable Mentions: Gerard Butler, Hugh Jackman.
Queen Helena: This was another easy one for me to pick and it stems from me thinking about giving the role of Randor to Hugh Jackman. When I was thinking about Jackman my mind went right to Famke Jansen and I didn’t think of anyone else. If you look at the source material she looks the part, she’s a fantastic actress with a ton of range and can do action as proven by Golden Eye and X-Men.
Blade: Blade is a bald badass with Swords, so I’m going to cast the baldiest badass in Hollywood, Jason Statham.
Beast Man: It’s hard to say how they’re going to go with this role. Is he just going to be a monster like he was in the movie or will he be able to speak like in the comics and cartoon. Also is he going to be CGI or a man in a suit. I’m going with he’ll be able to speak like the cartoon but not as dumb as he was or at least not as clueless. However, I don’t know if he’s going to be a guy with a suite and make-up or CGI. So for this I’m casting two guys, one for each. If it’s a guy in a suit I’d like to see Ron Pearlman take on the role. I think, like Hellboy it’s something he’d have a lot of fun with and make the character memorable. If we’re going CGI there is pretty much only one man for the job and that’s Andy Serkis. From Gollum to King Kong, to the Planet of the Apes, if you need a monsterous creature brought to life by a man in a green suit with ping-pong balls attached he’s your man. Pearlman would give Beastman a more human character and Serkis would bring out the beast. It’s all about how the filmmakers would portray the character.
Evil Lynn: For this role I picked Olivia Wilde. She’s beautiful and has seductive eyes and would make a perfect Evil Lynn. She has charmed us and wowed us with her talent in films like Tron, Rush, and Drinking Buddies, and in the Lazarus Effect she showed us a darker side, a side I’d like to see more from her in films and this role would be perfect for her to do that.
Honorable Mention: Charlize Theron
Tela: Man at Arms’ daughter and best friend to Prince Adam/He-Man Tela needs to be a woman who is tough and can kick ass on her own. I had a decent list but my pick fell on the baddest woman on the planet Ronda Rousey. Seriously I can’t really see anyone else for this role and if Marvel doesn’t do the smart thing and cast her as Captain Marvel then Sony needs to swoop in and grab her for Tela.
Honorable Mentions: Olivia Wilde, Kate Mara, Jamie Alexander.
The Sorceress: The Sorceress was a odd one to cast. In the comics and cartoon she’s an ancient being but appears young, much like many Greek Goddesses, but in the movie she is played by Christina Pickles who was in her 50s when she played the role. I assume the reason for that is the Sorceress is very wise and one of the easiest ways to show that on film without a lot of exposition is casting an older person since we naturally associate age with wisdom. I don’t want to follow the original film’s way of casting the Sorceress so I’m going young and to me one actress conveys wisdom every time she speaks and that is Emma Watson. Her time as Hermione in Harry Potter has caused us to associate her with the smarty pants character she played. Casting her in this role would cause most viewers to think, yep, she know what the fuck she’s talking about.
Honorable Mentions: Jenifer Connely, Emma Thompson, Maggie Smith
Orko: I want to start out by saying I don’t like Orko. In this movie I want it to be a pretty serious fantasy film and I don’t want the forced comedic partner that Orko represents. I didn’t even like Orko as a child. So, if he’s going to be in this film I want him played a smart comedic actor, one, who I feel could take any dumb line given to Orko and make it, at least seem not as dumb, and possibly even funny. The only man for this job is Simon Peg. Much like he did with Scottie in Star Trek, Peg can add humor to a serious film without making it seemed forced (see Jar Jar Binks in The Phantom Menace) and any dumb line he might be given he could probably add lib a better line or use his brilliant sense of timing to make it work.
So there it is, my dream casting for Sony’s HE-MAN. Do you agree? Who would you cast in these roles if Sony turned casting over to you. Please share with us in the comments below.